Keeping Thoughts To Myself.

So I just had a realization of sorts. I realized that I tend to keep a lot of my thoughts to myself. I don't open up very well to others. Even when having a conversation with another person, even with a person that I can share everything with, there is always something that I keep to myself. Little miscellaneous thoughts run through my head and I never share them. I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid of what people might think if they knew what I was thinking, but that can't be the case all the time. That can't be it because most of the time I don't care what others think, and most of the time I'm talking to people I trust so I really don't know why I don't share these thoughts. And most of the time they're little stupid things. But sometimes they're very intense thoughts. Thoughts that I'd like to share but don't know how to. I suppose my difficulty opening up to people is another reason why I have a hard time finding something to write here. I just don't know what to say. There is so much going on in my head but I don't know how to sort out the interesting from the uninteresting. There is so much there that I'm afraid that once I get going I won't know when to stop. It'll be like "word vomit"; words will just start spilling out of my mouth, possibly not making coherent sentences.
I have trust issues, and I know that. It's very hard for me to open up to others, but once I do, that's it, I tell everything, I have no secrets; I am an open book. Trust is it's own issue. But I think I'll save that topic for another post.

Closing quote: "Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear."

Birthday Thoughts. Written November 2nd.

*Well today has got me thinking about age and how people react to the years as they pass and how everything changes whether we want it to or not. I was thinking about how much I've changed and how much I've grown over the past year or so. I've gotten over things that I would have sworn I would never be able to move past. I've made new friends. I've lost some old ones. I've even rekindled a friendship or two. I've learned many lessons of life and it's uncertainties. I feel like a different person. Every other birthday, I never felt any differently; age was just a number. This seems different. I've had feelings I've never had before. I've learned things about myself that I didn't know exsisted until people made me see them. I understand things that I probably wouldn't have the past few years. I've gotten involved in different activities. I finally feel like I know myself. I still don't know what I want to study in college, but it's okay. I know I can suceed. People have given me opportunities that I willingly have taken. I learned so much this year. I've grown a lot as a person. I really think about things differently than I use to. This all seems very redundant now, but whatever. I guess all I'm trying to say is, I finally feel like I know me, and I finally know that I have grown, and will keep growing. And it's all thanks to you who have made this possible for me. =)

*taken from my Facebook notes. I think it deserved a spot on here.

Photos...

So you may have noticed the various photos on this page; the feet, the hope, and the cross photos. Well I've been using Microsoft Word 2007 to make those photos. They're all pictures that I've taken using one of my cameras and I got bored so I started messing around and I really like a few of things I've come up with. I became addicted to the black and white ones, but as you'll see I also like the gray scale and sepia. It all makes me wonder what I could create without word, if I had a real photo editing program. So here are a couple more I've created. There will probably be more and more as I take more pictures and become more experimental. =)

Because of Clayton...

I made this blog. I hope it may reach the qualities of his blog even though I have no idea what will be in mine. I guess it'll be a surprise for us all. I'll probably hit the posts pretty hard after the new year. It's kind of a New Year's gift. =) Well that's about it for my opening post; the rest will hopefully be less first person, or at least less like I'm talking to you, a reader. Will I actually have readers? That would be a change from most stuff I've written on internet blogs and whatnot. Hm....

Well, Thank You Clayton for being my inspiration.